How to quickly respond to a bee, wasp or hornet threat in your home
It’s happened to all of us before, you’re doing a little nude Tai Chi in the living room when all of a sudden you hear a buzz. Or perhaps you spy the nasty little bastard crawling around on the inside of your window. Immediately you panic, and in a frantic attempt to respond to the crisis you’re likely going to make a mistake. I’m here to help you prepare, should this situation arise again you’ll handle it like a pro.
Many victims make the mistake of trying to engage the insect physically. This approach is completely wrong. Unless you have ninja-cat-like reflexes you’re not going to take out the intruder with a fly swatter, a rolled up magazine or a shoe. Rubber bands work fine on flies, but then flies don’t sting. So the first step is remaining calm and not disturbing the insect. If you rile them up they’ll probably either sting you on the spot, or go hide somewhere so they can get you later (bastards).
The other thing you should avoid, although it is effective, is using wasp/hornet spray. That stuff works great outdoors, but not so much inside. There’s no greater feeling that unleashing a 15 foot burst of toxic chemicals onto your enemy, while they writhe about as they slowly die. However, inside the home the fumes have nowhere to dissipate, so you’ll no doubt inhale them which will result in acute brain damage. Read the can, it’s a federal offense to use it in a manner inconsistent with it’s labeling. That phrase generally means don’t breathe the stuff. Even that friend of yours that’s always huffing stuff doesn’t want to breath it.
One time an uninvited wasp showed up in my kitchen, and instead of calmly engaging the invader I let panic take hold. I couldn’t find anything like wasp spray, and in my frenzied state of disarray I unleashed a fire extinguisher on the insect. Now it definitely worked, but in the process I used up my extinguisher, which can evidently only be used once, and I also left a fine coat of nasty powder over the entire kitchen. This method is not recommended, although in a pinch it does work.
Your main goal when dealing with a flying machine of doom should be to get their wings wet so they can’t fly. This is frighteningly easy to do. Even a spray bottle of water will work, although it’s best to use something really gunky that will insure their capacity to fly has been diminished. Common household things like Lysol do the trick amazingly well. In particular, my room mate had purchased some foaming Lysol (unbeknownst to me). So I was responding to an attack,expecting to simply coat the little bastard’s wings then squash him as he struggled to comprehend what was happening. To my sheer and utter delight I was greeted by spray of thick foam which coated the entire insect, who immediately dropped to the floor. His wings now worthless, he started trying to walk. I hosed him down again for good measure then calmly went to retrieve a paper towel. When I returned he had walked about 8 inches, hopefully in grueling agony. At this point I smashed him with my shoe and cleaned up the mess with the paper towel. The Lysol left a nice refreshing & clean smell behind and made cleanup easy, and with no neurologically damaging chemicals in the air.
The key to pulling this off is moving slowly and remaining calm. These insects are fairly stupid, so they won’t see you coming unless you move too quickly. Obtain your spray, aerosol is preferred (the spray equivalent of an automatic machine-gun) then slowly & quietly creep up on your prey. Hold the can at arms length and move close enough so that you’re within firing range. Once you’re target has been acquired (approx. 4-12 inches in proximity) discharge your weapon. Be sure to coat the menace adaquately so that their wings are good and soaked. Once they’re incapacitated they should fall to the ground and you may commence crushing their evil little body with your shoe. Clean up with a paper towel or toilet paper. Flushing them down the toilet is a fitting way to dispose of their worthless remains.
If you have any additional tips or tricks that have served you well feel free to share them here!